Anxie - tea
Butterflies in the stomach.
Racing Heart.
Shallow breathing.
Full blown panic.
Here is Anxiety. Taking over the body. Screaming “look at me”…. “listen to me”…. “DO SOMETHING NOW”.
It can feel scary and yuck to be in the grips of anxiety. And often we focus on making the yucky feeling stop. We do this either by:
Running away/avoiding whatever triggers the anxiety or
Becoming a warrior; ignoring the anxious thoughts and sensations and pushing through.
Short term, these strategies can reduce anxiety. But, paradoxically, after the initial relief, they might actually make anxiety worse. That’s because, when we focus on trying to avoid or ignore the anxiety, we can neglect to hear the real message it is telling us. So, the anxiety becomes louder, trying to make the message heard.
Anxiety is an emotion focused on the future. Our brain time-travels ahead, imagines a situation or problem, and in real time tries to solve the future ‘worst case’ scenario. Our body then physically reacts to that hypothetical scenario (almost as though it is happening). This is what we notice as the butterflies, beating heart, breathing changes and panicky feelings.
Anxiety tells us that we care about something in the future. It also tells us we might be able to do something today to prevent something bad happening and improve our future.
As a health psychologist, I work with people with a range of health challenges. Often this is accompanied with anxiety. Rather than avoiding or ignoring that feeling, I suggest remembering the ‘T’ in anxiety. That is; when you get that anxious feeling, try to sit down with the anxiety and have a cup of tea. Treat anxiety like a familiar friend you’re catching-up with…. (Maybe a complex and loud friend, but a wise one nonetheless). By spending time with our anxiety, we can listen to the real message it’s telling us and make a plan. For example when someone is worried about their health – they could try asking;
What is my worry trying to tell me? It tells me I care about my health. If my health changes I might not be there for my family; I love my family so much I really want to be there for them.
Is there something I can do that might help? Yes –actually, I can take my medication and get regular check-ups.
What else can I do today? I can notice that the worry is trying to help me and my future. Anxiety reminded me how much I love my family. Anxiety helped me make a plan to look after my health. Now I can take some deep breaths and go for a walk to help shift the anxious feeling in my body. I can also spend some time with my family; anxiety reminded me how important they are to me.
By pausing and listening to the anxiety, we can clarify what’s important to us, make a plan and then move through the emotion. This process is a skill. And like all skills it requires practice and sometimes coaching and support.
Next time you notice anxiety, try making a cup of tea, sit down and explore the message behind the unpleasant feeling. You might just find that your old friend anxiety has some wisdom you can use.
For a deeper dive into changing our relationship with anxiety, this podcast has excellent evidence-based insights and ideas; https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/a-better-way-to-worry/
You can also get in touch with me; I work 1:1 with people to help them gain insight into their thoughts and behaviours and make helpful changes to improve their wellbeing.
